One of the hardest parts about posting this blog at the beginning was the Shame I felt. I was so ashamed of my limitations. I was embarrassed to admit to the world that I cannot comfortably walk a mile. I’ve spent years far more capable and competent. It’s been hard to admit to myself, let alone the world, than I am unable to walk far.
What I can see now, after two weeks of airing the details of my journey to walk a mile, is that my shame kept me stuck. My shame didn’t cause the ill-fitting socket, nor did it cause the pain . My shame kept my mouth shut. My shame kept me from revealing who I really am. My shame kept me from reaching beyond where I was to who I want to be.
In making the goal to walk a mile, I had to take stock of where I was. I had to admit my limitations and say where I want to go. I don’t care anymore how I got to the point that I couldn’t comfortably walk a mile. It’s simply my reality. I’m reminded of taking a road trip and losing my way. The point at which I made my goal to walk a mile was the point at which I realized I was lost and got out my map. I certainly didn’t make a U-Turn, but I did change my course. I deliberately turned myself so I was going in a different direction.
Now that I’ve regained my bearings and have charted my new course, I don’t care as much about my limitations. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do, I’m paying attention to what I can do and how I’m improving.
Shame? No, not anymore. I think it’s turning into pride.